People always say that I am strong for sharing our infertility struggles and for being so open about our miscarriages. But in all reality, I don’t feel strong — I feel weak, broken, sad. And I don’t talk about it because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me…I share our journey because I want to help others, I want to be there for others.
I remember feeling so alone when we first started fertility medications, none of my friends understood what I was going through, what I was putting my body through — even my husband didn’t get it. I had no one. We would slip out of weddings to take injections, trying to not make it so obvious. I remember scheduling things around my medication times, avoiding baby showers, and friends in general. I feel awful just thinking about avoiding people because of my pain.
I’ll be honest, as hard as Mother’s Day can be for me, I don’t spend my day sulking or crying — I celebrate my mom, grandmother, mother-in-law and all moms around me! It’s their day!
To my friends who are still waiting for their baby, to those who find themselves childless yet another Mother’s Day, my heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through, I know that gut-wrenching pain all too well, I know the feeling of walking into a room full of mom’s surrounded with their little ones, I know how it feels to be asked over and over when “it will be your turn.” I see the sadness in my husbands eyes too, I sense the nervousness of others as they approach me and don’t know what to say — and I have also perfected how to act like everything is okay when in reality I am breaking apart on the inside. But no matter what, remember that you are not alone. I am here for you.
On this Mother’s Day I encourage you to celebrate your mom and all the moms in your life — but don’t forget about those who are struggling. Perhaps you haven’t experienced infertility or loss, but I’m sure that you can understand how hard and painful Mother’s Day can be to someone who longs to be a mom. Send them a text, let them know you are thinking and praying for them. Buy them a card, their favorite candy — anything, is better than nothing.
I don’t know why God is making us wait, I’m not sure where I’ll be a year from now but I know that I am thankful for all of the wonderful moms in my life and for an amazing husband by my side. Happy Mother’s Day my friends, God bless you and your family.